Fifty
by Hoppiholla
Summary: Garrus had never seen her so angry, so human. But the loss of fifty men never really fades. -How Shepard reacts to the UNC: Dead Scientists mission, with the Sole Survivor background. Rated for language. Read and review!-


"_Tell her what you did to us_!"

The words reverberated back from the walls, the scene playing out in macabre drama in front of Garrus. Corporal Toombs stood over a kneeling man in a lab coat, a pistol pressed firmly to the back of the cowering man's head. His hand twitched, as if he was fighting his own battles to have his revenge. It was terrible to see, the trauma passing through the human man's eyes.

What was worse was watching Shepard relive her trauma to save Toombs from his.

The tips of her red hairs trembled along with the rest of her, especially her hands, as she stared at Dr. Wayne and Toombs. Her eyes were wide, tight around the edges, and her mouth was shivering. Her brows, in contrast, were perfectly smooth and still. It pained him more than if she had worn an expression of anger.

The only thing he saw in her eyes was desperate pain.

The doctor nearly collapsed. "Please! Mr. Toombs, you're insane, you need help!" he cried. Even as he spoke those words, his hand jerked towards his own pistol, holstered at his hip. The turian caught his eye, and made enough of a movement with his rifle that he desisted.

"I said, _tell her!_" the corporal demanded through gritted teeth. Through the scientists' wince, Garrus assumed that he had pushed the gun more forcefully against the back of his skull.

Wayne turned to Shepard for help. "You have to help me! He's insane!" She didn't move—she was lost to the world. Toombs laughed maniacally. "You won't be getting any help from her, you bastard. Remember Lieutenant Commander Shepard, Wayne?" he spat.

Wayne wilted. LC Shepard. He remembered that name from the news vids. There could be no escape for him now.

Toombs' finger twitched again, coming dangerously close to firing. The entire gun was shaking now, mirroring Shepard's growing shivering.

"It was a test, Shepard. All of it. They were right under us, the whole time. Funny, isn't it? Them and the threshers, all one big happy family, waiting to eat us up." He was rambling, eyes darting from Wayne to Shepard. Garrus was trying to ignore his commander, and the growing concern he felt, to keep an eye on both Wayne and Toombs."They _let _them loose...wanted to...to _study_ us, likes bugs in a box!" he screamed, making Wayne cry out in response as the tip of the barrel cut viciously into his head. Toombs closed his eyes. "And when they found me, Shepard...Shepard, they were simply _delighted._"

His eyes flew open, a hunted look coming into his eyes. "Every day, Shepard. Every day, it was the injections, the tests, the screaming. They never let up, Shepard. Just to see how far I could go."

The commander looked up to Toombs, and in those green eyes was a look of deep, biting, guilty sadness. "Toombs...if I had known...if I had seen...I would have..." She extended a hand toward him, to console him, or to have her own guilt assuaged.

"But you didn't! Every _day,_ Shepard!" he screamed. She jerked back, spasming as if in pain, her hand clenching closed into a fist. Garrus was now thoroughly worried—she looked almost as hunted as Toombs, but there was desperation in her eyes, the look of a fox cornered by hounds.

"Toombs...you can't change it...this won't—"

"You don't have the _right _to tell me I don't deserve this! You weren't _tested, _all you got out of this was some scars and a bad reputation!"

She jerked again as if he had shot her.

This was _not _the Commander Shepard he knew. Lessa Shepard was strong, working through even the toughest times, and always managing to haul her crews' collective asses out of the fire as she went. She never backed down, and she _never _let any one get a rise out of her. Hell, Garrus had seen her sit through the Council at their worst and come through with flying colors.

He had heard the stories about Commander Shepard, survivor of horrors he couldn't imagine. And that was just it—he couldn't imagine it. He could not picture anything that could turn Shepard, his great Commander, into a guilty, desperate...

...survivor. That was her only transgression. To have gone on when Toombs could not.

The fact that the turian wanted nothing more for Shepard than to let her move on affected, in no part, the events that were coming to pass.

Shepard slumped, a defeated posture he had never seen on her before. Lessa Shepard was _not _a defeated person.

"I'm sorry, Toombs."

A snarling sneer came to his face as he grabbed the scientists hair in his fist. "Sorry won't cut it for Wayne here, Shepard. You see, he orchestrated it _all. _We can talk later." Wayne cried out, terror suffusing his face. Toombs brought the pistol up again and prepared to fire.

"_Stand down, Corporal!"_

Garrus froze. He had been ready to give up and console Shepard, help her deal with her demons after Toombs killed the scientist. Or maybe just leave her alone to go back to being the rock solid Commander Shepard he knew. What he had not expected was for Shepard to go back to being The Commander so quickly.

Toombs froze, too. He stared at Shepard, not understanding. The gun didn't move from Wayne's neck.

"I said _stand. Down,"_ Shepard said, fists at her sides. She was angry, now, and using it to pay attention. _Good girl._

"Shepard, you can't just tell me how to live my—"

"Corporal Toombs, I am ordering you to holster your weapon and _stand down!_"

Now it was Toombs' turn to get angry.

"Shepard, this is _not _your life! I didn't get my face in the vids and medals all over my uniform! I got acid injections every day, _for months, _murderous tests every day, _for_ _months, _and I was half dead, every day, _for months!_"

Shepard twitched a little, but Garrus doubted Toombs was going to look for it. The turian had been looking for it. So, she hadn't really put back on her Commander's mask and retreated into her position.

"Corporal, that is an order. You will comply and stand down." Her face softened and saddened, her mask slipping. "Toombs, taking your own revenge won't help you. Testifying will." She once more stretched a hand towards the now undecided man. "Toombs, you have to get help. For me?"

Toombs stared at the hand, offering him salvation, a solution to his problems, if not a guardian of his mind. "It's funny, Shepard. Never thought I'd see your face." He took the gun from Wayne's head, and the scientists slumped to his hands and knees, breathing heavily in relief.

Toombs looked up with those haunted eyes. "The vids all said you were the only one to escape Akuze. I'll never escape it. Guess I can't argue with them."

"Toombs—"

Before Shepard could intervene this time, Toombs wheeled the gun to his own chin and fired.

Red and pink sprayed out from the top of his head, staining the wall behind it as he dropped. There wasn't anything left inside, and the corpse collapsed like a puppet without strings. He slumped against the wall, pistol still held in a death grip, eyes open and a twisted smile on his face.

Shepard's hand was still extended towards the body. She didn't move as the echoing sound of the shot caused both Garrus and Ashley to cover their ears.

Dr. Wayne stood in a flash, looking distastefully down at Toombs. He dusted himself off at the knees.

"Well, Shepard, I assume, you've just gotten me out of a tight spot. My thanks," he said sarcastically, hand resting lightly on his pistol. "But if you'll just move out of my way..." as he spoke, he tapped his weapon warningly.

Not even turian eyes could follow Shepard's response.

All of a sudden, Shepard snatched his pistol from his hip, fire in her eyes. Charging him, she hit him square across the jaw with the butt and had him pinned against the wall as he cried out in pain. Her hands went to his throat, armored hands tightening.

"Fifty men," she said. Her voice was deep and cataclysmic, dangerously calm. Wayne's eyes were wide, staring down at her. The scientist slid a little up the wall and gasped for breath.

"Fifty men, for a _game." _He slid up farther, and on her last word, she brought him close to her face and slammed him against the wall again, nearly knocking him unconscious. Shepard got as close to the man as possible, despite the fact he was a good foot off the ground, and she was not a tall woman.

"A _game."_ She threw Wayne from the wall, sending him sliding across the floor towards Garrus and Ashley, trying to scramble to his feet. Shepard leaped at him, sitting on his back with the man's pistol in her hand again. When he jerked underneath her, she struck him across the back of the head, and he went limp, his struggles becoming less and less coordinated.

Garrus was transfixed. Shepard did not lose control like this. Not even when he had told her the horrors of Dr. Saleon's crimes, not even when the Council had crushed her suggestions. It was fascinating, but terrifying—he had never seen her be so...bestial. Or so human.

She flipped him over, sitting on his chest, pistol waving in front of his face. Wayne's eyes followed it through the bruise on his jaw.

"Do you know what happens when you play games?" A hard slam of the pistol to his chest. Wayne was transfixed, but shook his head emphatically.

"Somebody might get _hurt." _Shepard abandoned the pistol and punched him on his already painful jaw, eliciting another expression of pain. She sat back on his chest, pulling him up by his lab coat.

"I bet you never even knew their names, did you?" Wayne decided that now, when he was pinned under an enraged Alliance Commander, he should be pert. He nodded this time, trying to rub his jaw, but Shepard slapped back his hand. She dropped him hard, cracking his head against the floor.

"Oh _did _you?" Her voice had gone back to being calm, quiet as a noose and just as deadly.

She leaned in again. Her fist went back to her ear. "Do you remember Dowell?" She unleashed a powerful right hook, slamming into his jaw with enough force to make him turn underneath her before she pinned him more completely.

"What about Hawlish?" Left hand. "Or Montoya?" Wayne had begun to flounder underneath her. His face was already darkening into a puzzle of black and blue. "Did you look up Yates?" His mouth opened to scream or answer, and Shepard hit it square. Two teeth fell into his own mouth, and he tried to spit them out without baring his teeth again. "And Rowle, and Trent, and Greene?" Three punches in quick succession. Garrus was beginning to hear muffled screams, and wondered how long it would be until she killed him. She appeared to be holding back. Was she going to name all fifty of her men? Understanding the concept of self-preservation, he decided to keep this particular question to himself.

"Do you think you can recall Jakes? And Ogden, and Pith, and Allen, and Evans, and Sill?" Wayne was just on the edge of unconsciousness. Shepard wasn't having any of that. She sat hard on his chest, bringing him back with a _whoof _of breath. His eyes searched the room again, and he fought to push himself backwards with his feet. She placed the fallen pistol to his forehead again, and brought herself close enough that he could only see her hate-filled eyes.

"If you learned their names, you've learned mine." The pistol pressed hard enough in that a trickle of blood slid down his heavily bruised temple. "It's Lessa Shepard, and you remember that when you run back to Cerberus."

He nodded feverishly, eyes sliding in and out of focus. More blood. "Tell them I'm going to wipe out every station, every lab, every site that I can find, and then I'm going after _you."_

Shepard got off his chest and stood up. When he gasped for breath and reached for his pistol, she hit his temple hard enough to knock him back flat on the floor, out cold. She stood over him, chest heaving, and didn't seem to notice the bloody cracks on her hand armor. Her red hair was wild and tangled, her eyes just as crazed. Without lifting a finger, still watching Wayne, she opened a comm link.

"Joker, radio the Fifth Fleet and tell them they have something to deal with on Ontarom," she said. Her voice was now dead, flat, and Joker knew enough not to respond.

"Aye aye, Commander."

Shepard looked up. Her eyes were unreadable, save for one emotion—anger. Garrus guessed a single look would be enough to clear the CIC.

"Move."

Ashley and Garrus hurried to fall in behind her. He was worried, about her hands, and about her.

x-x-x-x-x-x

"XO Pressly has been relieved."

The synthesized voice heralded Shepard's arrival, and drew every eye in the CIC to the long hallway from the airlock. Eyes that fled the moment Lessa's face came into detail. Her eyes still held a look that could drop a krogan at fifty meters, and even those crewmen working at consoles snatched up data pads and hurried off. Pressly was the only one who remained, and he snapped a salute that went unanswered.

Shepard stomped past, most of both hands covered in blood, turning the white armor pink. That alone might have been enough to scare away the more squeamish members of the crew, but instead of retreating to her quarters or engineering to rage at some unsuspecting crew member, she entered the elevator with her two companions.

Her murderous expression hadn't waned by the time they entered the cargo bay. Wrex stood up straight, muttering something about checking his armor before scampering off like a varren runt. _Krogan at fifty meters indeed. _Without pausing to acknowledge him or even nod, she pulled her own pistol off her back.

Both Ashley and Garrus jumped, Garrus half-voicing his shock. "Commander—"

Shepard didn't turn around as she fired. It was just at the wall, but it was making dents and a noise like nothing else. At least Wrex wasn't in the way.

"The entire fucking thing-" _boom._

"Could have never happened-" _boom._

"But they wanted to fucking _test_ us-" _boom._

"If it is the last thing I do-" _boom._

"Cerberus is fucking going _down._" _boom._

Garrus was starting to seriously worry about the bulkhead integrity. The ship could only take so many direct bullets, and the whole 'vacuum of space' wasn't anything he wanted to experience anytime soon.

She fired twice more, then slammed the pistol to Ashley's table where she managed the weapons. Ashley took the hint and walked up to the table, saluting respectfully until Shepard turned.

Her face had cooled a bit, but Garrus still didn't want to be the subject of that glare.

"Commander?"

Her eyes cooled further. It was nice to think his voice made her feel better. Shepard raised a red eyebrow, her question inherent in the gesture.

"I think Chakwas should take a look at your hands."

She rolled her eyes, becoming more relaxed as we talked. That, of course, was his goal. It wouldn't do if Shepard took out her feelings on poor Liara.

"Garrus, if I was going to collapse, don't you think I would have by now?"

"Yes, Commander, but I'm sure the doctor would like to know if you've broken anything...again."

She smiled. Actually smiled. She had had him worried up to his fringe, but her smile let him know she was still Lessa Shepard, survivor of Akuze, and that only made her more real.


End file.
